Stolen Horse (Search for similar jokes)
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.(stolenhorse: 16 of 64)
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
Reinventing the wheel (Search for similar jokes)
We are great at re-inventing wheels. Our latest has a flat side to the wheel to make parking easier.(inventwheel: 17 of 64)
How not to eat (Search for similar jokes)
Today, I had a patient who had two carrots up his nose, a radish in one ear and a stick of celery in the other ear.(eatright: 18 of 64)
He said, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."
I told him, "That's because you're not eating right."
Driving Prize (Search for similar jokes)
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000s in the state-wide safety competition.(illegaldriver: 19 of 64)
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the Policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to buy a driver's license, and maybe some insurance too" he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back-seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Two Weeks (Search for similar jokes)
Years ago, I wanted to find myself.(pi_twoweeks: 20 of 64)
So I hired a private detective for the job. I gave him my description and social security number.
Two weeks later he found me.
Submitted by John W. Hines.
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