The God Complex (Search for similar jokes)
A man walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, I think that I am God."(godcomplex: 37 of 64)
"How did that start?" asked the doctor.
"Well, first I created the sun, then the earth..."
Radioactive Jelly (Search for similar jokes)
(University students do seem to have an uncanny ability to pull off seriously good pactical jokes....)(radioactive: 38 of 64)
A few students on Foundation Day painted a van with Lucas Heights Nuclear Commission on the side of it and whilst driving through GeorgeSt, Sydney, rolled out a 40 gallon drum of green jelly (ie harmless Jell-O) onto the road.
They stopped, got out in suits and Geiger counters set on max sensitivity so as to continuously crackle.
The resulting mayhem of pedestrians and drivers was something to behold. Soon the police had cordoned of the area.
The driver of the van said he was off to get some gear and disappeared. The others soon after also disappeared, leaving the police with a 40 gallon drum with nuclear signs on it and green stuff falling out of it and a very worried public.
Animal Crackers (Search for similar jokes)
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.(seal_biscuit: 39 of 64)
"What are you doing?" his mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
The Mathematician, Biologist and the Physicist (Search for similar jokes)
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.(in_the_house: 40 of 64)
First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: "The initial measurement wasn't accurate."
The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."
The Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."
S-Commerce (Search for similar jokes)
They're calling it shops or "S-Commerce" and it's being rolled out in cities and towns nationwide.(scommerce: 41 of 64)
"It's a real revelation," according to Malcolm Fosbury, a middleware engineer from Hillingdon. "You just walk into one of these shops and they have all sorts of things for sale."
Fosbury was particular impressed by a clothes shop he discovered while browsing in central London. "Shops seem to be the ideal medium for transactions of this type. I can actually try out a jacket and see if it fits me. Then I can visualize the way I would look if I was wearing the clothing." This is possible using a high definition 2D viewing system, or "mirror" as it has become known.
Shops, which are frequently aggregated into shopping portals, known as "high streets" or "malls", are becoming increasingly popular with the cash-rich time-poor generation of new consumers. Often located in densely populated areas people can find them extremely convenient.
And Malcolm is not alone in being impressed by shops. "Some days I just don't have the time to download huge Flash animations of rotating trainers and then wait five days for them to be delivered in the hope that they will actually fit," says Sandra Bailey, a systems analyst from Chelsea. "This way I can actually complete the transaction in real time and walk away with the goods."
Being able see whether or not shoes and clothing fit has been a real bonus for Bailey, "I used to spend my evenings boxing up gear to return. Sometimes the clothes didn't fit, sometimes they just sent the wrong stuff."
Shops have a compelling commercial story to tell too, according to Gartner Group retail analyst Carl Baker. "There are massive efficiencies in the supply chain. By concentrating distribution to a series of high volume outlets in urban centres-typically close to where people live and work-businesses can make dramatic savings in fulfillment costs. Just compare this with the wasteful practise of delivering items piecemeal to people's homes."
Furthermore, allowing consumers to receive goods when they actually want them could mean an end to the frustration of returning home to find a despatch notice telling you that your goods are waiting in a delivery depot the other side of town.
But it's not just the convenience and time-saving that appeals to Fosbury, "Visiting a shop is real relief for me. I mean as it is I spend all day in front of a computer."
(Submitted by John Hurrell)
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