Punny Computer

Several programmers were working on a project titled the Machine Intelligence Language Trainer Operating Network, or M.I.L.T.O.N.

The objective was to develop a machine capable of making puns. They tried language after language, but with each one, the computer would just barely pass the Turing test for artificial intelligence. This wasn't good enough for them, so they wrote their own language. It utilized a double logarithmic tree to compare multiple meanings of words across various contexts. They called it the Humour Emulative Logarithmic Language. Once this code was programmed, the machine performed much, much better on the Turing tests, and made staggeringly awful puns. The Artificial Punster was born.

The decision was made to set MILTON up on the Internet, so that millions could enjoy the puns. It actually required installation on two servers in order to handle the demand for access. Unfortunately, it kept getting infected by viruses sent in by people who had no sense of humour, and the time it took to constantly clean the system was annoying the developers. They were about to pull the plug when the AP made it's own suggestion. If they allowed it to absorb the functions of the servers, it would be able to protect them from viruses (its unique use of language allowing it to make the necessary distinctions).

This was done, and it worked.

The programmers were the toast of the computer industry, and made the usual circuit of news 'zines and interviews. One day, a reporter thought to ask the AP how it would describe the story of its creation. The machine thought for a moment, then replied...

"Better Turing in H.E.L.L.' then two servers' haven."

Submitted by: Chris Coleman
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